'Their Light Up Bums Will Always Hold A Special Place In My Heart'-Eurovision 2012

I hope everyone was watching Eurovision last night. If not, do not worry. I hope this post will encapsulate all the 'highlights' of this year's contest live from Baku the 'city of fire' in Azerbaijan. (I'd never heard of it either). The organisers, however, did a brilliant job of selling a holiday to me. After a few of their 'postcards', aptly named as they are very Wish You Were Here-esque, I actually wanted to go to Baku. I was also assured by Graham Norton's insistence that these postcards were the truth and the whole city was in fact 'beautiful'. I'm not sure he was telling the truth, he may have feared disappearing after the Azerbaijani authorities hearing his comments but this isn't a blog post in which I am going to stray in to the human rights issues that engulfed Eurovision this year. It is about one thing only: the 'music' (bear with me, inverted commas are going to be used a lot in this post).
First up was good old Englebert Humperdinck with a name so European he was bound to have douze-points resounding around the specially built Crystal Hall. No? The Hump did get 12 points but unfortunately, or possibly fortunately due to certain funding issues, that was his total score. To give Englebert his due it was a lovely performance, especially with the catherine wheels in the background, I even think I saw one of the Russian Grannies swoon as he blew a kiss to the audience at the end. Englebert would have been the oldest contestant to ever partake in the contest, until the dastardly Russian Grannies came and stole away that gimmick. The Russian Grannies stealing the age card and the combined blow of being the first to sing, didn't leave us with much hope.
My personal douze-points of the night has to go to Gaitana of the Ukraine. As soon as the string section in her song began thundering out I knew it was going to be a Eurovision classic. Combined with the Euro dance beat coming in a few bars later, the ridiculously catchy chorus of Gaitana screaming 'YOOOOOOU CANNNNN BEEEEEEE MYYYYYY GUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEESSST', (she has obviously never seen Beauty And The Beast), and the fact she wore flowers in her hair, I thought she had a fighting chance of actually winning the whole sorry thing.
Another stand out of the night was Donny Montell, from Lithuania with 'Love Is Blind', who spent the first half of his song wearing a blindfold, spelling out the metaphor, just in case anybody was so stupid they couldn't understand him wailing at the camera 'LOOOVE IS BLIND'. It was a beautiful thing. Combined with his typically Eurovision dance moves, he did pretty well too.
Of course, this year, everbody was watching Greece who, in Eurovision terms, had a good song called Aphrodisiac. I spent the majority of their song marvelling at the beautiful rhyming of 'maniac' and 'aphrodisiac', worrying that they might actually win causing the Euro to collapse and also secretly hoping that they did win, just for the laughs. Fortunately for them they didn't win meaning the Euro lives another day (or not, by the time you are reading this, it could have all collapsed, thanks to Eurovision).
I must also mention my favourites who didn't make it to the final. Trakshittaz and 'Woki Mit Dem Po Po', meaning 'shake your ass', failed to qualify but their light up bums will always hold a special place in my heart. 'The Social Network Song (Oh Oh-Uh-Oh-Oh)' was San Marino's offering. Originally called 'The Facebook Song' but having to be changed due to Eurovision rules, it featured such genius lyrics as 'I click my mouse, come to my house'. It also didn't make it but deserves a nod for, although having to rename the song and remove the word 'Facebook', leaving every other word in there that rhymed with Facebook.
Now, however, we come to a rarity. A Eurovision song I have actually downloaded, because I liked it. Please don't hate me, I can assure you that I am not alone too as at 8.12 on tonight, Sunday the 27th of May, it is number 1 on the iTunes chart. The song is actually very good and for the first time not just in Eurovision standards. I am of course talking about the winner 'Loreen' (to rhyme with Soreen) I had many a laugh over that last night, and her song 'Euphoria', taking the contest back to it's spiritual home, the land of ABBA and IKEA, Sweden. I look forward to seeing Loreen (a cross between Claudia Winkleman and Kate Bush) in Sweden next year for more laughs and fortunately Sweden can afford to host it, can't they?

The Voice-Crimpatronic

GUYS. It is time for my Voice Blog. I have been struggling to come up with a name. Vlog is already gone. So I have no idea. Let's wait and see I might come up with something as we go.

Right, first things first. One thing stole the show this week. Hair. Becky Hill had, evidently, been attacked by multiple crimping machines which, I thought had been discontinued somewhere in between the end of the 90s and the Spice Girls' 'Viva Forever' video. I stand corrected. The second hair-astrophe of the night was Jessie J. Now, I like Disney, I am going during the summer but, I tend to like the original Minnie Mouse. I loved it though. Especially when Becky Hill went over and gave her a hug and actually looked like she had just Minnie Mouse. The styling is a little odd on The Voice I think, and I am not the only person who thinks this. Someone on Twitter remarked that Bo was wearing 'C3PO's Curtains' and I did think, dare I say it that Becky had just wandered in from a street corner.
Anyway, the songs. Which, believe it or not is actually the point of the show. (If you hadn't guessed from Jessie J screaming "IT'S ABOUT THE VOICE!!!!!' fifty times an episode). Did anyone else just yawn the entire way through all of Team Danny's songs? Did anybody else take a massive intake of breath when Becky said 'that word' at the start of 'Seven Nation Army'? Mary Whitehouse would be shouting at her TV set in heaven. I also felt this week that bar a few performances everyone was glued to the stage. Though I say that, Becky did the most movement (bar Cassius' odd turning thing) and look where that got her, into the history books for saying the F word on prime-time BBC One TV.
I  look forward to the point of the competition when Aleks finally manages to pull his hands out of his pockets. Are we sure they aren't glued in there Reggie? I also look forward to the moment when Aleks actually pulls a smile (apart from when talking about his 'target audience' or 'fans' that consisted of three girls probably paid to stand there and shout 'WE LOVE YOU')
Time for the group performances. As an A-Level art student I got great fun out of shouting the artworks the 'artists' were trying to imitate. That is where the fun stopped, however. When Gotye's original 'Somebody That I Used To Know' came out I absolutely loved it. By week a billion of it being number 1 in the charts, however it was the most annoying thing I had ever heard. I felt the same about this performance. Also, Danny?! If you watched you will know what I mean. I'm not saying anymore.
Anyway that is my verdict on The Voice this week. Next week I am planning on doing a live blog so if you fancy reading along, join me then! (Hopefully I will have come up with a name by then).

Jumpers And Crowns For S/S 2012

Right, if it hadn't been decided that charity shopping is the new designer I am deciding it now! Today after school I popped into the local Cancer Research shop with Mum because we were at a bit of a loose end and I have ended up with the most incredible jumper. EVER. Who needs Bond Street when you can have Sleaford High Street?! Anyway attached is a picture of me with said jumper and my crown. The Jubilee is only two weeks away! In Jubilee news the first few strands of an alleged 'sea' of bunting went up in my town, Sleaford today. The town newspaper reported a few weeks ago that Sleaford would be 'awash with bunting' for the Jubilee weekend and for when the Olympic Torch comes through the town on the 27th of June, 1 month before the games begin! Exciting times. Here is the promised picture: 

Stay regal!

School's Out....FOREVER

Today I came to a shuddering realisation. Two weeks today is my final day of school EVER. Yes that has been capitalised. In fact it feels like the majority of things I write these days end up being capitalised, I am very slowly turning into the Daily Mail Online, but that is a discussion for another day. After 14 long years of wishing to leave I am finally at the point of no return. I am going to London in 5 months to start University and that is seriously SCARY. (There we go, Mail online again). In two weeks I will probably be a little worse for wear after a day spent traipsing around the pubs of Sleaford and rather messy after causing all sorts of mayhem during the day. I have realised, however, that this could be the last time that I will ever see some of my friends who I have had since turning up on the first day at Carre's 7 years ago. I will stay in contact with some but others I will, unfortunately, lose touch with. I don't want to dwell on this however. This summer is one of new beginnings. Tonight I applied for my accommodation next year, student finance is very nearly finished and the summer is shaping up to be one to remember. I am going to T4 On The Beach, Disneyland, Paris, Ireland. In two weeks I will be in London for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee (not that I have gone on about it) and in a few months will be cheering on Team GB at the London Olympics. I really want to try and enjoy my last two weeks at school and look forward to moving to a place I love and making hundreds of new friends. Two people also moving on are my two good friends Lucy and Hannah. Lucy is moving to London, like me and Hannah is being a little more adventurous and moving to Toulouse! They have both set up blogs to share their journey into the wide world. Lucy's is http://lucysadventuresinlondonland.blogspot.co.uk/ and Hannah's blog is http://talesfromtoulouse.blogspot.co.uk/. Anyway it is time for me to go and Wednesday night is usually a night spent dancing around to Bananarama and drinking milk but before I do, here is a picture of me, a Beefeater and a raven taken earlier today. (Thanks Keirl).