Today at Wimbledon: Day 4. I HEART THE CENTRE COURT ROOF AND WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW IT.

Today the roof was used for the first time-hurrah! Unlike most who watch Wimbledon I relish the chance that the roof may come on. Even though it has only been there a few years 'the Roof' to give it it's proper, Sue Barker approved name has already become a peculiar tradition. 

Now, I'm going to jump around a bit here but fluidity has never been my strong point. Do you remember when those pandas arrived from China into Edinburgh and they broadcast the whole thing live on TV as if it was the Moon Landings or a Royal Wedding? They had that BBC News reporter asking all the important questions such as 'do the Pandas understand English?' as we waited for what seemed like an age for the Pandas to get their luggage together, dig around the back of the seat to find their phone and pick up 200 Marlboros in duty free. Well, the 30 minutes or so it takes for them to close the roof at Wimbledon is a bit like that. We get the peculiar sound of John McEnroe trying to commentate on what is, essentially a giant gazebo going up over a rainy bank holiday barbecue. The crowd 'ooohs' and 'ahhhs' at the sight as if it were the pandas themselves parachuting into Centre Court. After the roof is actually shut we then get around 20 minutes during which time someone flicks on the air con switch and we all wait around for some magic to happen so the tennis players feel like they are still playing outside. This is when the BBC cameramen and women on Centre Court have a field day, and personally this is probably my favourite part of Wimbledon. They zoom in on every canoodling couple, children eating scotch eggs, people looking bored and flicking through their Twitter feed. They do a quick round up of who's who in the Royal Box whilst McEnroe or that one of GMTV (may she rest in peace) tries to out-do each other in the 'who reads 'Hello!' the most' stakes. Ace to you BBC, for providing me with a people watching service without having to leave the house. BBC, I implore you to add 'BBC Centre Court Roof' to your extensive red button Wimbledon channels. This will give me something else to get addicted to, like when I spent nearly 5 hours straight watching the 'Chimney Cam' when the new Pope was elected. PLEASE BBC? 

Marathon Day, Part II. (Grandmas in Zara and shouting at Ed Balls)

What an incredible day. Last Sunday saw thousands of people take to the streets of London and slog round (some much quicker than others) the 26.2 mile course. The weather was maybe a little too hot for the runners but for the spectators like me the sunshine was very welcome after the longest Winter in 60 years!

The day began at Grandma's house, the centre of every family occasion. In our family's true style we made sure that the whole street new that something was going on by hanging a banner out of one of the windows.

Next it was up to the start where we dropped Susan off and went to get our position near the blue start. I was on celeb watch and, yet again, failed to get a hug off Sue Barker who I think should be our next Prime Minister. 

After waiting for what seemed like hours, and being interviewed by BBC London as my Mother and I were shouting the loudest and waving the world's biggest (and heaviest) banner, Susan ran past. Mum got a high-5, the whole of the start could hear us screaming at her. Amazing.

I want to add at this point that we have a knack of befriending people when we are out, probably because we just like talking so much. The marathon was no different and this time it was a lovely woman called Cindy. She ran the marathon last year and was also a Gamesmaker. She was a really lovely woman but is it time to hang up the Gamesmaker uniform, I think she probably wears it every day? Anyway, she had this massive horn that she honked at anyone who ran past. So naturally, we got on famously.

After we'd seen Susan run past us at the start we took on our own little marathon, running (and pausing for breath) down the hill to Greenwich town centre. That quarter of a mile certainly took it out of me. 

Greenwich is always one of the best places to watch the marathon, everyone gets involved. This block of flats, just along from the naval college certainly got involved. At this point it was about 10.45 in the morning and the first runners were at mile 6. That didn't stop everyone on that balcony holding glasses of wine though, in fact, I think if they had offered me a glass I wouldn't have turned it down. Again, that quarter of a mile downhill run really took it out of me. 

At this point we joined the rest of our family who were stood on the opposite side of the road. Sara had made about 7 different banners and this was the first, getting everyone rather emotional, until a really old man ran past in a mankini and put everyone off their sandwiches. Susan ran past us again, waving frantically, and looking like she hadn't just run 6 miles. Ed Balls also ran past us at this point to shouts of 'BALLLLLSYYYYY' from me and 'WHERE'S MY MONEY' from my Aunt, Sara. Britain, we did it for you. Consequently Susan asked when she finished why she could sometimes hear booing just up ahead of her. We informed her that she had run the entire marathon just behind Ed Balls. 

 Next stop was Canary Wharf, this is where the real party was. Another Sara banner was unfurled, the sound of drums ricocheted off everything in sight and Grandma set up her picnic chair in the middle of the Canary Wharf shopping centre, wandered in to Zara and nearly fell off a step. Despite all this we managed to see Susan again and she looked even better than she had at mile 6. At this point there were questions as to whether she had got the DLR there. 

Our final stop was opposite Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament, fitting as this is where my Grandad and Susan's Dad worked. Again we were probably the loudest supporters there, arriving just in time to see Susan run past. This time we certainly didn't think she had got the Tube or a cab. Her head was down and we could see that she was just focusing on getting to the end. 

At this point a man asked Sara why she had a number on her banner. He was promptly told that all our family members have a number and not names and that he should 'see 14171, she's a right go-er'. Silly man. 

After meeting Susan at the finish and making her put on her red foil to 'look like she had actually run the thing', thousands of photos were taken but I think this is my favourite. Grandma looks like she is about to punch this man for getting in the way of the photograph. 

So there we have it, a brilliant day for the whole family, a very proud marathon running Aunt and another impersonating the Queen Mother. The O'Leary-Clifford-Biancofiore family everyone! 

Rorie's Big Fat Review Of The Year (In tweets)

Right, when I say year I actually mean 'The Olympics'. I started scrolling back through my tweets and realised that there were so many in the months of July and August that I might just stick to those two months. I think the following tweets show that I provided the service of 'Someone tweeting about sport who knows nothing about sport'. Here goes.

Opening Ceremony. 

My first tweet of the 30th Olympiad set up the standard for those to follow. 

"Just shouted "COOOOWS" at the TV. #OpeningCeremony#London2012"

I can't even remember cows in the Opening Ceremony but apparently at the time they were a big deal? did they parachute out of something, I really can't remember. The only other tweet I made during the Opening Ceremony worth mentioning was this: 

"Anyone else playing 'Olympic outfit borrowed from Easyjet' bingo?"

I think I was so busy playing Olympic outfit bingo that I forgot to tweet. Something that certainly didn't happen over the next two weeks. 

DAY 1

"If there was a gold medal for drinking wine during the opening ceremony, it would go to me. #London2012 #OwMyHead"

I quickly realised on the first day of competition that I was not going to be able to comment on the actual sport much and quickly coined the hashtag "Fashionlympics". 

"The USA's swimming team jackets make them look like penguins.#London2012 #BBC2012"

I must admit, I do think Alan Carr was choosing the music: 

"Now they are playing Madonna. Campest Olympics EVER#London2012"

DAY 3 (Day 2 was obviously boring)

To start day 3 was a tweet from 'Prince Charles' 

"Camilla's gone to Greenwich Park to watch #Equestrian. Have stuck 'Number 5' on her back for a laugh."

I also found the diving most enjoyable and, wanting to do my bit for the economy, got some free advertising in for the tireless work the eyebrow threaders do in Lakeside, keeping the South East free of uni-brows. 

"The Mexican divers need to get down Lakeside and get their eyebrows threaded. #Fashionlympics"

DAY 4

Day 4 began with another update on the incredible music being played. 

"She Bangs by Ricky Martin #nowplaying at #London2012 Archery.#Campolympics"

My feelings towards Ian Thorpe were also made clear on day 4:

"If Ian Thorpe says 'look' one more time though, I might bop him round the head with my goggles and armbands. #London2012 #Olympics"

Also on day 4, a limerick from Jessica Hynes: 

"There was an old man named Mitt, who said our Olympics were s***. He wanted attention for his upcoming election but ended up looking a twit."


DAY 5

This was the infamous day that will be etched in our minds forever, yes, the day that Boris Johnson, BoJo himself got stuck on a zip wire.

"Swing low, sweet Boris, whiff whaff is coming home!"

I think that is enough said about day 5.

DAY 6

By this stage full Olympic hysteria had taken me over.

"Giant pringle. BBC One. Now."

I think I was referring to the Velodrome. Not entirely sure though.

"Christina Aquierlararrara blasting out over the velodrome. Carrying on the #Campolympics. #TeamGB #London2012"

DAY 7

A stroke of genius from their headline writers.

"Headline of the morning goes to 'The I' "Anything you canoe I canoe better" #TeamGB #Gold #London2012"

"It gives me great pleasure when the #BBC camera hits the angle that gives Gary Lineker Olympic Stadium floodlight devil horns.#London2012"

"If #Phelps melted down all his medals he could bail out Greece.#London2012 #Euro"

"This Olympics is seriously lacking some Tessa Sanderson punditry."

"I've got Bert Le Closemania"

DAY 8 SUPER SATURDAY

"First sailing results in: Great Britain take gold, Australia take silver and Somalia take a middle aged couple from Weymouth.#London2012"

"If only we'd kept my old trampoline. I could have been on the red button now. #GardenTrampoliningChampion#SomersaultAndTripleHeadFlip"

"Just organised my 'entrance' for my birthday party. I can safely say it's going to knock that parachuting bitch's one out of the water."

"*Whispers* Could we really get 3 gold medals tonight? Really?#London2012 #TeamGB"

"He must have an onboard MOtor.#London2012 #PunLympics"

"I like to think that Greece is paying off all its debts in Vangelis royalties."

DAY 9

"Can't wait for the Rio Olympics now. Must get my carnival costume ready. *Ram-raids sequin shop*"

"I'm loving the leggings on arms look Sanya Richards-Ross is rocking. Totes bang on trend. #Fashionlympics #London2012"

"SOMEONE HAS A FACE-JAZZLE IN THE WOMEN'S 400M!!!!!!!#LONDON2012 #FASHIONLYMPICS #GYPSYCHIC"

"If there's a glass of white on a bar I can do the 100 metres in 9.64.#London2012 #Olympics"

"FACEJAZZLE WOMAN GETS A BRONZE JUST FOR HAVING A FACEJAZZLE!!!!! #London2012"

DAY 10

"IT'S GONE TO A JUMP OFF FOR GOLD IN GREENWICH. This is all a little bit X Factor deadlock. #London2012 #olympics"

"The thing that holds the chalk for the pole-vaulters looks like Dizzy from Bob The Builder. #London2012 #Olympics"

"I threw a wish in a well. *Waves ribbon* don't ask me I'll never tell *triple somersault* #London2012 #ClosingCeremony"

DAY 11

Still no actual sport content in my tweets:

"Look how glam Denise Lewis is now. LOOK AT THAT BEAD NECKLACE. #Fashionlympics"

"It's a 10 from Alesha, 8 from Bruno, seveeeeeeeeen from Len and a 4 from Craig (booo) #StrictlyComeDressage #Dressage#London2012"

"I really dislike this arrangement of the national anthem. They don't leave the bit where everyone drunkenly yells "Der ner NER NER"

"We'll give the Aussies that one. They only have 3 golds, bless them. Stick it in a jiffy bag and send it off #CashMyGold #London2012"

"I'm cheering on Muriel Ahoure in this because she's got a brilliant surname. #London2012 Muriel Aprostitute."

Doing my bit for international relations:

"Jesus, I thought Darth Vader was going to storm in at the start of Grenada's national anthem!! #London2012"

DAY 12

"Do you have to have a double barreled name to be a female sprinter and/or wear arm leggings? #London2012"

"horses dancing to music is my new favourite"

"#DressageSongs Hoofs upside your head."

"#DressageSongs "I set shire to the hay" by Adele."

"already excited about Sochi 2014."

"Today: The greatest show on earth is on BBC1. Mum's watching 'Flog It' on BBC2. #London2012"

DAY 13

"Do you think they'll get the Sugababes to perform at the closing ceremony? The old 3 and new 3 could do a Hackney urban sing off#London2012"

"If I don't get 3 hours of Spice Girls tomorrow I will be bitterly dissapointed. #ClosingCeremony."

"I really want to be a speedwalker. It's always been my dream.#London2012"

"This bit of the "Modern Pentathlon" is just laser quest. The IOC isn't kidding anyone. #London2012"

DAY 14

At the #Olympic marathon. Very disappointed that the runners haven't got in to the spirit of things. Not a lion costume or mankini in sight.

Closing Ceremony 

"Can you see my sequinned baps everyone? I'm on top of the umbrella mountain. @cassie_draycott #London2012"

"VICTORIA BECKHAM CAN STILL MOVE HER FACE!!!"

"Did Grandma put LSD in my tea? #London2012"

"Every time Emili Sande sings a song, Heather Small looks in a mirror to check that she still exists"

"Grandma just shouted "Ku Klux Clan" at the TV. I think she was referring to the Pet Shop Boy's outfits and not One Direction#London2012"

So there we go, London 2012 in a collection of my tweets. Unbelievably I did manage to live tweet the entire Olympics and not mention sport at all really so WELL DONE TO ME! I wish you all the best for 2013. I'm hoping for round 2, London 2012 version 20.13? 

The Voice-Crimpatronic

GUYS. It is time for my Voice Blog. I have been struggling to come up with a name. Vlog is already gone. So I have no idea. Let's wait and see I might come up with something as we go.

Right, first things first. One thing stole the show this week. Hair. Becky Hill had, evidently, been attacked by multiple crimping machines which, I thought had been discontinued somewhere in between the end of the 90s and the Spice Girls' 'Viva Forever' video. I stand corrected. The second hair-astrophe of the night was Jessie J. Now, I like Disney, I am going during the summer but, I tend to like the original Minnie Mouse. I loved it though. Especially when Becky Hill went over and gave her a hug and actually looked like she had just Minnie Mouse. The styling is a little odd on The Voice I think, and I am not the only person who thinks this. Someone on Twitter remarked that Bo was wearing 'C3PO's Curtains' and I did think, dare I say it that Becky had just wandered in from a street corner.
Anyway, the songs. Which, believe it or not is actually the point of the show. (If you hadn't guessed from Jessie J screaming "IT'S ABOUT THE VOICE!!!!!' fifty times an episode). Did anyone else just yawn the entire way through all of Team Danny's songs? Did anybody else take a massive intake of breath when Becky said 'that word' at the start of 'Seven Nation Army'? Mary Whitehouse would be shouting at her TV set in heaven. I also felt this week that bar a few performances everyone was glued to the stage. Though I say that, Becky did the most movement (bar Cassius' odd turning thing) and look where that got her, into the history books for saying the F word on prime-time BBC One TV.
I  look forward to the point of the competition when Aleks finally manages to pull his hands out of his pockets. Are we sure they aren't glued in there Reggie? I also look forward to the moment when Aleks actually pulls a smile (apart from when talking about his 'target audience' or 'fans' that consisted of three girls probably paid to stand there and shout 'WE LOVE YOU')
Time for the group performances. As an A-Level art student I got great fun out of shouting the artworks the 'artists' were trying to imitate. That is where the fun stopped, however. When Gotye's original 'Somebody That I Used To Know' came out I absolutely loved it. By week a billion of it being number 1 in the charts, however it was the most annoying thing I had ever heard. I felt the same about this performance. Also, Danny?! If you watched you will know what I mean. I'm not saying anymore.
Anyway that is my verdict on The Voice this week. Next week I am planning on doing a live blog so if you fancy reading along, join me then! (Hopefully I will have come up with a name by then).

'Take Me Out' Let the cheese, see the viewers.

'Let the cheese, see the viewers'

I should hate it, it should make me want to gauge out my eyes using a spoon but weirdly I find it absolutely inspiring.  I didn't watch the first series of 'Take Me Out'. In fact I didn't just not watch, I refused to. I'll admit my culture snobbery was going through a particularly rough phase and if something wasn't in Norwegian without subtitles or made on a budget of less than 5 quid and a packet of chewing gum I didn't watch it. Thank God that was only a phase as otherwise my life would never have been opened up to the brash Saturday night, feel good show that is 'Take Me Out'. Who wouldn't want to watch, frankly rather desperate, girls and guys throw themselves at each other and judge on first impressions? Whoever came up with the idea is a genius. Our whole lives are built around first impressions, why not make that into a game show? As for the host Paddy McGuiness I believe he is an equally brilliant choice with his catchphrases even prompting my mother to shout over the strains of 'No likey, no lighty' one particularly raucous Saturday evening, that he was the 'New Brucie'. For me that sealed the deal. My Mother, usually a BBC news and Corrie in small doses woman likes this show, in fact she doesn't just like it she LOVES it. 'Take Me Out, The Gossip' even gets her viewing figures a testament to the pure cheese of it all. I do, however, feel that its critics or the 'I only watch it because it is cheesy' viewers love it in secret. In truth we all want to feel happy, laugh and be cosy on a Saturday night and no programme recaptures classic Saturday night TV at the moment quite like 'Take Me Out'.