The Voice-Crimpatronic

GUYS. It is time for my Voice Blog. I have been struggling to come up with a name. Vlog is already gone. So I have no idea. Let's wait and see I might come up with something as we go.

Right, first things first. One thing stole the show this week. Hair. Becky Hill had, evidently, been attacked by multiple crimping machines which, I thought had been discontinued somewhere in between the end of the 90s and the Spice Girls' 'Viva Forever' video. I stand corrected. The second hair-astrophe of the night was Jessie J. Now, I like Disney, I am going during the summer but, I tend to like the original Minnie Mouse. I loved it though. Especially when Becky Hill went over and gave her a hug and actually looked like she had just Minnie Mouse. The styling is a little odd on The Voice I think, and I am not the only person who thinks this. Someone on Twitter remarked that Bo was wearing 'C3PO's Curtains' and I did think, dare I say it that Becky had just wandered in from a street corner.
Anyway, the songs. Which, believe it or not is actually the point of the show. (If you hadn't guessed from Jessie J screaming "IT'S ABOUT THE VOICE!!!!!' fifty times an episode). Did anyone else just yawn the entire way through all of Team Danny's songs? Did anybody else take a massive intake of breath when Becky said 'that word' at the start of 'Seven Nation Army'? Mary Whitehouse would be shouting at her TV set in heaven. I also felt this week that bar a few performances everyone was glued to the stage. Though I say that, Becky did the most movement (bar Cassius' odd turning thing) and look where that got her, into the history books for saying the F word on prime-time BBC One TV.
I  look forward to the point of the competition when Aleks finally manages to pull his hands out of his pockets. Are we sure they aren't glued in there Reggie? I also look forward to the moment when Aleks actually pulls a smile (apart from when talking about his 'target audience' or 'fans' that consisted of three girls probably paid to stand there and shout 'WE LOVE YOU')
Time for the group performances. As an A-Level art student I got great fun out of shouting the artworks the 'artists' were trying to imitate. That is where the fun stopped, however. When Gotye's original 'Somebody That I Used To Know' came out I absolutely loved it. By week a billion of it being number 1 in the charts, however it was the most annoying thing I had ever heard. I felt the same about this performance. Also, Danny?! If you watched you will know what I mean. I'm not saying anymore.
Anyway that is my verdict on The Voice this week. Next week I am planning on doing a live blog so if you fancy reading along, join me then! (Hopefully I will have come up with a name by then).

Olympic Opening Ceremony Idea No.32

Right, scrap Danny Boyle. Scrap the urban soundtrack influenced by the East-End of London. Do you know what? Even scrap the Queen, and coming from me they are serious words. After watching Britain's Got Talent on Saturday night our worries about beating the Chinese opening ceremony of four years ago simply melted away. Who needs 8000 perfectly synchronised drummers when you can have Mr Zip, or as he is known in our house and I am willing to bet in thousands of other homes up and down the country, the 'Where Ma Keys?' man. So to cut to the actual idea. 'Where ma keys?' man runs into the stadium in the first minute of the ceremony and lights a giant mobile phone shaped Olympic cauldron. Brilliant, this has already been the Olympic opening ceremony to end all ceremonies. But that isn't all, oh no. To put the cherry on top of the Olympic sized cake or possibly even the key on top of the mobile phone, cue 1000 dancers dressed as...yes, you guessed it keys and phones. Then Rick Astley emerges from the floor of the Olympic Stadium, gyrating on a giant revolving record as a mash-up of 'Never gonna give you up/ (you guessed it) where ma keys'. This continues for the final 3 hours of the ceremony. So there we have it. A winning formula. We get to Rick-Roll 2 billion people whilst showing them that Britain, really does have talent. (Before they turn over to The Voice).