Right, scrap Danny Boyle. Scrap the urban soundtrack influenced by the East-End of London. Do you know what? Even scrap the Queen, and coming from me they are serious words. After watching Britain's Got Talent on Saturday night our worries about beating the Chinese opening ceremony of four years ago simply melted away. Who needs 8000 perfectly synchronised drummers when you can have Mr Zip, or as he is known in our house and I am willing to bet in thousands of other homes up and down the country, the 'Where Ma Keys?' man. So to cut to the actual idea. 'Where ma keys?' man runs into the stadium in the first minute of the ceremony and lights a giant mobile phone shaped Olympic cauldron. Brilliant, this has already been the Olympic opening ceremony to end all ceremonies. But that isn't all, oh no. To put the cherry on top of the Olympic sized cake or possibly even the key on top of the mobile phone, cue 1000 dancers dressed as...yes, you guessed it keys and phones. Then Rick Astley emerges from the floor of the Olympic Stadium, gyrating on a giant revolving record as a mash-up of 'Never gonna give you up/ (you guessed it) where ma keys'. This continues for the final 3 hours of the ceremony. So there we have it. A winning formula. We get to Rick-Roll 2 billion people whilst showing them that Britain, really does have talent. (Before they turn over to The Voice).
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