My Love Letter To: Jennifer Lawrence

Jennifer Lawrence, I am in love with you. Not only are you just 22 and have won your first Oscar but you are beautiful, the pride of Hollywood and most importantly, absolutely hilarious. When I was watching the Oscars red carpet on Sunday I knew I wanted to be your best friend when you responded with "I don't know this is the top and this is the bottom" when asked about the different pieces you were wearing. 

Don't worry about the fall, you styled it out. I think I love you even more for it, especially when you were asked in the press conference afterwards what went through your mind when you fell. "A word beginning with F" was your response. It may have been "fall" but you are far too bad ass for that to be your "F" word.

I think we could have a beautiful friendship J-Law, you and I, I can see it now. Knocking and running at Meryl Streep's house. Flour-bombing Kristen Stewart, Bop a Kardashian on the head with your Oscar day, is this sounding good to you? I can see us rolling around Beverly Hills, bottles of cider (because LaLa Land hasn't gone to your head) in hand, shouting at the movie stars. Making our own Hollywood walk of fame. Poking Anne Hathaway's nipples. It all sounds so perfect. 

I also appreciate the way you ran with Seth Macfarlane's boob song. I think the single handed power fist with "oh yeah" face was the perfect way to respond. So much so that I have spent far too long watching the hour long video of that very moment. Isn't the Internet magical? 

I love that you don't take any shit. If you think a question is silly then you say so. If you want to trip up the stairs, then you trip. If you want to wear a dress that looks like the middle is ripped, you wear it. 

Also, although your fall won "moment of the night" for me at the Oscars, your middle finger antics in the press room have to come a close second. If I was allowed to vote for the new Pope I would vote for you. I can see you up on the balcony in the Vatican City, smoking a cigarette, making jokes about how you fell over your robes on the way to the balcony. In fact I'd vote you for anything, Supreme Governer, President, McDonalds employee of the month, MP for Eastleigh. Anything.

So there we have it J-Law. My love letter to you and application for best friend. Please consider me. I love you ever so much and just think about it. J-Law and R-Ol. It has a certain ring to it. I think we are Hollywood's new power couple, or at least the new Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. 

Cressida Bonas- What You Need To Know.

Cressida, she's obviously bought the
wedding dress already.
Go on Harry, put a crown on it

To sighs of dismay and probably some screams by the Sloane Rangers last week, Prince Harry was seen with girl about town Cressida Bonas on a skiing trip on the slopes of Verbier.

Harry and Cressida (I know it sounds like a sitcom or a bad version of a Shakespeare play) met through Princess Eugenie, she has been part of Harry's circle for a while so knows the ropes. 

Bonas has all the credentials to become Harry's Princess. Her Mother is, wait for this one if you thought Cressida Bonas was funny: "Lady Mary-Gaye Georgiana Lorna Curzon" who was a bit of an it girl back in London's swinging 60s and her father is the blue-blooded Jeffrey Bonas. Ticking all the boxes so far Cress. 
Apparently Prince William had a bit of a thing for Bonas before K-Middy came on the scene, something I am sure will make for a brilliant best man's speech at a wedding one day. 

Here's Chelsey, also dressed in white.
I call this shade "desperation"

Anyway, as much as I would love another Royal Wedding I wouldn't rush out and buy a hat anytime soon. This isn't the first time Harry has been romantically linked since splitting with Chelsey Davy but you never know, Harry is partial to a bit of Vegas. Shot-gun wedding anyone? I just hope that we get a Princess Cress. 



As a side-note I would also like to point out that after spending about half an hour looking at photos of Cressida and Chelsey I conclude that they look the same. Is it just me? I think Hazza has a type. 

"And The Oscar Goes To Anne Hathaway's Nipples"

Unless you have been living in Outer Mongolia for the last few months you will know that last night was the Oscars. One of my favourite award show nights of the year. Who doesn't love seeing the pride of Hollywood in nice clothes stumbling about the place, trying not to make a fool of themselves in front of the world's media. Here are my awards for the last awards show of 2013.


BEST SUPPORTING MALE.


WINNER-BRADLEY COOPER FOR HIS PERFORMANCE IN "HOLD UP MY MOTHER"


This photo is quite possibly the second best one from the Oscars this year, (you will see my favourite shortly). Look at how adoringly Bradley's mum is looking at him. He is nearly twice her height and it does look a little like he has taken his daughter with him at first glance. Bradley could have taken any girl from Hollywood, or even the world to the Oscars, but he took his Mum. Brilliant stuff. Equally brilliant is Gloria's decision to team her gown with a Bjork swan dress style bolero and even better some silver trainers. Practical and shiny. Perfect.



BEST DRESSED WOMAN

WINNER-JESSICA CHASTAIN FOR HER PERFORMANCE IN "ZERO DARK FLIRTY"


Chastian did have some fierce competition tonight from Bradley Cooper's mum Gloria but she just about beat her to the top spot. I didn't think that Jessica would be my best dressed. I thought it would be Anne Hathaway or Jennifer Lawrence but she looked amazing in her custom made Giorgio Armani gown and Harry Winston diamonds. Not only does she have the same name and hair as Jessica Rabbit but last night she emulated her old Hollywood style and red lips. (I am a sucker for red lips). As Jessica Rabbit is the only cartoon character I think we are actually allowed to fancy and as Chastain pulled this look off so perfectly the award for best dressed woman has to go to her. (Sorry Gloria, there is always next year).

Special commendation though, has to go to Rachel from Friends in her red Valentino ballgown. Really beautiful. Who would think she started off serving coffee in New York?





















MOMENT OF THE NIGHT

WINNER- JENNIFER LAWRENCE IN: "TRIP ON YOUR LININGS PLAYBOOK"

It could have gone to Adele, singing Skyfall or Hathaway winning best supporting actress but no. J-Law, (my new favourite of the J hyphon clan, sorry J-Lo) stole the show. Not only did she look amazing in her Dior (what else?) haute couture ballgown but she provided some comedy too. Personally I think she wanted to beat her 'has the dress split or is it just the design?' moment from the Golden Globes. As mentioned earlier to the right is my favourite photo of the night and it is of Jennifer Lawrence stealing the show when she tripped up going up to collect her award. Jennifer, looking like Cinderella as she struggled up the stairs, however, styled it out and recieved a standing ovation from the audience. I want her to be my best friend. Hooray for Hollywood.

SURPRISE STAR(s) OF THE NIGHT

WINNER- ANNE HATHAWAY IN: LES NIPERABLES

If last year's winner of this award was Angelina Jolie's leg, this year it was Anne Hathaway's nipples. At one point last night on Twitter 'nipples' was trending. I am assuming this is because of Hathaway's nips bid for stardom but I may be wrong. They were probably envious of all her attention and wanted to make their stage debut at somewhere classy. Well congratulations to Anne's nipples. You have won a Rorie this year, next year an Oscar!





AWARD FOR PARTY CRASH OF THE NIGHT

WINNER- MICHELLE OBAMA FOR HER ROLE IN: "I'M STILL ALIVE PEOPLE"

As if the fringe wasn't enough MoBo last night continued her bid to get in every gossip magazine in the world by appearing at the Oscars. We were reminded cruelly, however, that we aren't allowed to think of her like any other celebrity as she appeared via video-link from the frigging WHITE HOUSE. It was as if MoBo wanted to stick two fingers up to all the starlets in the Dolby Theatre and say "you think your Beverly Hills pad is nice? Look at where I live".

So there we have it. The awards have been dished out and now it is time to head off to the parties. One year, I will make it to the Vanity Fair party where I will probably get very drunk, try and steal someone's Oscar and sing I Dreamed A Dream at Anne Hathaway whilst sobbing into a glass of champagne but until then my kitchen will have to do.

The Brits 2013 Tweet-party!

"I WANT THE BRITS BACK WHEN EVERYONE WAS PISSED.#BRITS2013"

"Muse there winning the award yet again for "most desperate to do a Bond theme" #Brits2013 #Brits"

"It's unlike Emelie Sande to turn up to something televised.#BRITs2013"

"Love that we get to hear Rita Ora's real voice in these adverts.#Brits2013"

#HumanVeet #Brits2013InATweet

Sorry, but what has happened to Sharon Osbourne's face?#Brits2013 #Brits



ON TIMBERLAKE:

"It's like the last ten years never happened. Is he still dating Britney?#BRITs2013"

"justin timbercokebreak" 


ON SWIFTY AND STYLES:

Gets me every time. Skimpy outfit under smock. #Swifty #Brits2013

"YES FOR THE CUT TO STYLES. #Brits2013 #Brits"



ON LANA:

I LOVE YOU LANA DEL REY. #Brits2013 #Brits

Still amazed by Del Rey's lips. #PumpedUpWithABicyclePump#Brits2013

THE MORNING AFTER THE NIGHT BEFORE:

"Still disappointed Taylor Swift didn't sing We Are Never Getting Back Together in front of a giant picture of Harry Styles face. #Brits2013"

The Brits 2013

It seems pointless writing a blog on this year's Brit Awards when I didn't even watch the whole thing (my favourite bit was Taylor Swift's 'look at me with the small dress under the big dress bit, not predictable AT ALL) but i had to make this clear, it fell flat on its face this year. Here are my reasons:

1. Nobody likes Emeli Sande.

Admittedly that probably isn't true given that she won the awards for album of the year and British female but come on, admit it. You are sick of her.
Opening ceremony. "Oh that's cute, Sande singing Abide With Me, nice day out for her".
Closing Ceremony. "Really, again? Never mind I'm sure I'll live, her stylist won't though for that green crepe paper dress".
Sports Personality Of The Year, "Are we sure Sande hasn't got a contract with the IOC? Has she been sleeping with Jacques Rogge?"
Brit Awards. "Right, that's it I'm doing shots of toilet duck".
She has a habit of popping up everywhere which would be okay if her songs didn't make me want to drink bleach. Anyway. Attack on Sande over. I'm sure she is a very nice person really.

2. Adele

After last year's debacle over her acceptance speech I expected Adele to ride in on James Cordon's back, shout "Fuck the suits" and wander off again, but nothing. She didn't even go. yes, she is in L.A for the Oscars but let's not forget. It was THAT performance at the Brits that really made her the star she is today. That said, I still love her.

3. The award for 'Global Success'

They may as well have just named this the 'One Direction haven't won anything else and they deserve an award' award. Even if you don't like One Direction you have to admit they did deserve an award at the Brits on Wednesday night. They are the biggest band in the world right now and are currently number one in 54 countries. Any award they were given would have been deserved but it did feel like they had made it up for them. Like when Adele was the first person to win critic's choice.

4. Taylor Swift's Performance

After watching it back I actually quite liked the whole effect but for me there was one problem. She didn't sing 'We Are Never (ever ever ever ever ever) Getting Back Together' in front of a giant picture of Harry Styles' face. I think that's enough said about that. She also didn't get her sound-alike goat up on stage to sing with her. (If you don't know what I am on about, here you go). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpfQSqfpuac,

5. The snub of One Pound Fish Man.

THE END.

The Coronation Of Queen Cara

So that's it, London Fashion Week has come to and end and with it the capital's fashion conscious have decamped to Milan for yet another week of stunning shows and hopefully some warmer weather. 

The week basically felt like the coronation of Cara Delevigne. She seemed to be the go-to girl for every show and, if you hadn't already, we all fell in love with her. 

To the right I am with my friend Lucy at Somerset House. Marcus Dawes took our photo and I was very surprised to then find it on the London Fashion Week website and printed in "The Daily" the fashion week newspaper. Does this mean I am part of the fashion set now? 

Anyway, here are my favourites from London Fashion Week AW13.

McQ

I love a bit of tailoring so naturally McQ was going to be a hit. I strong tailoring with an injection of fun is something that London's fashion week does better than any other. Teamed with simple white shirts I believe you can't go wrong and this was demonstrated at this show.
The animal print trend was also perfectly clear to see at the McQ show with their tailoring also coming in fun, multicoloured zebra prints.

Issa


There was a hint of explorer (albeit very well dressed explorer) about the Issa show that I loved. The Indiana Jones-esque hats at an angle gave the models a look that made me think they were about to go trekking through a rainforest. Model of the moment and March 2013 Vogue cover girl Cara Delevigne opened the show in a flowing dress teamed with a black roll neck and boots. Daniella Helayel said backstage at the show that the Issa woman "is cooler, she wants to explore". It was a departure for Issa who are probably best known, rightly on wrongly, for Kate Middleton's engagement dress. If this was an attempt to reinvent themselves then it certainly worked for me. 








House Of Holland


If I had to pick one show from this week that I thought embodied what London is about right now then it would be the House Of Holland show, titled 'Rave Nana'. House of Holland provide the clothes that the coolest girls in London want to wear. Pixie, Winstone, Lowe, were all on the front row. These are girls who want to have fun with what they wear. With an 80s and 90s rave inspired soundtrack, 70s wallpaper print inspired dresses and neon abound the show could have proved too much but it wasn't. It captured London in 2013. It also made me ask myself the question. Are mini skirts really going to be making a return?











Burberry Prorsum 

The quintessentially British brand provided my favourite show of the week. The Burberry show has quickly become the centre-piece event of London fashion weeks and this year's did not fail to dissapoint. The front row was quite possibly the most star studded I have ever seen. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in that red suit, Rita Ora with the 'Queen Cara' t-shirt and a sea of socialites, editors and bloggers completing the front row in the beautiful, purpose built space in Kensington Gardens. Christopher Bailey, this year, showed Burberry's sexy side whilst maintaining its British charm. Kinky rubber was mixed with sweeter-than-sweet love heart prints to give an naughty but nice look. It would be very easy for Burberry to become stagnant. We know them best for their staple piece: the trench. It is testament to the genius of Christopher Bailey that he can reinvent this classic, each time bringing something new and fresh.
My picks from this show would have to be Cara's sheer rubber skirt teamed with love heart underwear and leopard print top. It sounds too much but Burberry stuck to their traditional pallette to give something both outlandish and yet subtle at the same time and the spots and stripes over-sized coat. I don't know if it is just the model and the sunglasses but surely this is a reference to front row-er Anna Wintour? The Burberry Prorsum show, my favourite from London Fashion Week 2013.

Economics Is The New Black

Next week marks the return of the week long fashion spectacle that is London Fashion Week. You would think that in this age of austerity and a time when people apparently have no money that the fashion industry would be dying. You wouldn’t think that fashion weeks across the globe would be growing. The fact is though that they are. London this year launched its “London Collections: Men” in what was seen as a stepping stone to a full blown men’s fashion week in the capital. This year’s New York fashion week has a slightly ambiguous name given that it is no longer just a week, but a whole 10 days in which the fashionistas of New York City take over the metropolis bringing with them their high heels, birkin bags and most importantly (and key to the point of this piece), their money. Some find it vulgar that the fashion world has continued as normal despite the global meltdown. I don’t find it vulgar, in fact I find it something to be encouraged. If this was any other business sector then it would be applauded for seeming to keep calm and carry on. Because this is an industry in which people feel they have no connection though they can’t adjust to fashion succeeding against all odds. This social division, however, is in fact a myth. Without sounding too much like Miranda Priestly, played by Meryl Streep in “The Devil Wears Prada” fashion is important to everyone. If it wasn’t for Valentino or Jason Wu spending millions on a new line then the people in Primark would have nothing to copy and then most importantly nothing for the average fashion consumer to spend their hard-earned money on. The fashion industry is actually a sector of our society that we cannot deal without; yes some may say that the outlandish designs currently draped over models in a tent in New York City may never filtrate down to us. This is true, but the inspiration drawn from these outfits will make millions for our economy. For example two years ago neon began to crop up on the catwalks. Most of us will never contemplate wearing a full, neon yellow trouser suit and probably that is a good thing but now neon is everywhere. Watches, bags, shoes, satchels. Everywhere. It may not all be well-made, or designer, or even good but the fact is that people buy it and a portion of that money will eventually find its way back into the economy. So this weekend when you are out shopping why not buy that bag? It is practically your national duty. Basically what I am saying is that economics is the new black. 

Rorie O'Leary: The Movie

At the start of this month I made about 10 New Year's resolutions. 9 of these have now lapsed and have gone the way of every other resolution I have ever made. The one that has remained was to live life like I was in a film. I am very proud to say that I think that thus far I have managed to keep this one. That is probably because unlike all the other resolutions this one means that I have more fun, something that is needed when it is raining and 2 degrees in a city where there is always a bus or cab waiting to splash you.
When I say live life like I am in a film I don't mean Die Hard, although it has always been my secret longing to be like John McClane. I mean those films in which people go on incredible dates, drink cocktails all day long, have brunches, read books in the sun and take walks in the snow. I know, I know, mushy shit but so far it has only done me good. Unbelievably going for brunch and coffee has led me to read more books in an attempt to look fashionable and interesting whilst sat outside in the freezing cold because it turns out the place you think is really trendy, everyone else thinks the same. So far the dates and cocktails haven't been that bad either, in fact they have been amazing. Getting up to have breakfast, a la Breakfast At Tiffany's also means that I can't stay in bed until 1 for my lecture that starts at 2.
It turns out that a couple of days ago, a walk in Mayfair and breakfast at Tiffany's was exactly what I needed. After only getting 1 hour sleep the night before due to my new craze for watching "Sex And The City" at 3 in the morning, I needed some time just wandering. I headed on down Old Bond Street. It wasn't long until I found myself standing under those pale blue flags and gazing in the windows of the beautiful marble fronted building. It was here that I realised that, although my resolution was ridiculous it has actually made my life so much better. January didn't seem bleak at all and now that (hopefully) Spring is just around the corner I have those days sat in the sun in Sloane Square and Hyde Park to look forward too. I know that throughout life we are always told to be ourselves, something I stick to, but once in a while it is fun to pretend you are someone else, especially when that someone else has a passion for dirty martinis.

My Love Letter To: Beyonce

Dearest Beyonce,

You were incredible, I didn't think anything could beat Janet Jackson's boob-tacular or MIA's middle finger last year in Madonna's show but you did it right. After all of the mean words leading up to it I think you pulled it off completely. (I always knew you would sing live). You had me from the moment the extended version of "Run The World" boomed out across the Superdome. As soon as a massive flaming outline of you sparked into life I was practically on the floor and as soon as I heard the immortal words "Kelly, can you handle this?" I realised that I certainly couldn't and would probably need resuscitating by the end. Thankfully for both myself and your legal team your show didn't kill me and I am probably going to risk my life again by coming to see you live in London.
I loved it so much that I watched it another 10 times before going to bed at 3 in the morning. I don't think anyone else can carry off the slutty yet chic schoolgirl knee high socks and leather combination quite as well as you (although Kelly and Michelle had quite a good stab at it). I would also like to thank you for reminding me what Michelle looks like. She had fallen off my radar quite a bit and it is good to see that she is still alive and as ever adding the " I bought them" line quite spectacularly in "Independent Women". I also greatly enjoyed you then asking them to sing your biggest hit with you before kicking them off the stage, reminding them that you own the show.
The only trouble with your performance is that ever since I have been trying to copy it move for move. I think I got caught by my cleaner this morning doing the "Beyonce Super Bowl Strut" a move that will go down in history as iconic as the "Single Ladies Shuffle".
So thank you Beyonce for reminding everyone that leather is certainly back in, that flames are soooo on trend and most importantly for being so kick-ass that they thought everyone in the Superdome needed a few more minutes to contemplate what they had just seen: cue blackout. I think Jay-Z cut a wire or something, that's why he wasn't in the performance, wasn't it? I know you far too well Beyonce. To finish: in your words "uh oh oh oh oh oh oh uh oh oh woah uh oh". So profound.