My Love Letter To: Jennifer Lawrence

Jennifer Lawrence, I am in love with you. Not only are you just 22 and have won your first Oscar but you are beautiful, the pride of Hollywood and most importantly, absolutely hilarious. When I was watching the Oscars red carpet on Sunday I knew I wanted to be your best friend when you responded with "I don't know this is the top and this is the bottom" when asked about the different pieces you were wearing. 

Don't worry about the fall, you styled it out. I think I love you even more for it, especially when you were asked in the press conference afterwards what went through your mind when you fell. "A word beginning with F" was your response. It may have been "fall" but you are far too bad ass for that to be your "F" word.

I think we could have a beautiful friendship J-Law, you and I, I can see it now. Knocking and running at Meryl Streep's house. Flour-bombing Kristen Stewart, Bop a Kardashian on the head with your Oscar day, is this sounding good to you? I can see us rolling around Beverly Hills, bottles of cider (because LaLa Land hasn't gone to your head) in hand, shouting at the movie stars. Making our own Hollywood walk of fame. Poking Anne Hathaway's nipples. It all sounds so perfect. 

I also appreciate the way you ran with Seth Macfarlane's boob song. I think the single handed power fist with "oh yeah" face was the perfect way to respond. So much so that I have spent far too long watching the hour long video of that very moment. Isn't the Internet magical? 

I love that you don't take any shit. If you think a question is silly then you say so. If you want to trip up the stairs, then you trip. If you want to wear a dress that looks like the middle is ripped, you wear it. 

Also, although your fall won "moment of the night" for me at the Oscars, your middle finger antics in the press room have to come a close second. If I was allowed to vote for the new Pope I would vote for you. I can see you up on the balcony in the Vatican City, smoking a cigarette, making jokes about how you fell over your robes on the way to the balcony. In fact I'd vote you for anything, Supreme Governer, President, McDonalds employee of the month, MP for Eastleigh. Anything.

So there we have it J-Law. My love letter to you and application for best friend. Please consider me. I love you ever so much and just think about it. J-Law and R-Ol. It has a certain ring to it. I think we are Hollywood's new power couple, or at least the new Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. 

"And The Oscar Goes To Anne Hathaway's Nipples"

Unless you have been living in Outer Mongolia for the last few months you will know that last night was the Oscars. One of my favourite award show nights of the year. Who doesn't love seeing the pride of Hollywood in nice clothes stumbling about the place, trying not to make a fool of themselves in front of the world's media. Here are my awards for the last awards show of 2013.


BEST SUPPORTING MALE.


WINNER-BRADLEY COOPER FOR HIS PERFORMANCE IN "HOLD UP MY MOTHER"


This photo is quite possibly the second best one from the Oscars this year, (you will see my favourite shortly). Look at how adoringly Bradley's mum is looking at him. He is nearly twice her height and it does look a little like he has taken his daughter with him at first glance. Bradley could have taken any girl from Hollywood, or even the world to the Oscars, but he took his Mum. Brilliant stuff. Equally brilliant is Gloria's decision to team her gown with a Bjork swan dress style bolero and even better some silver trainers. Practical and shiny. Perfect.



BEST DRESSED WOMAN

WINNER-JESSICA CHASTAIN FOR HER PERFORMANCE IN "ZERO DARK FLIRTY"


Chastian did have some fierce competition tonight from Bradley Cooper's mum Gloria but she just about beat her to the top spot. I didn't think that Jessica would be my best dressed. I thought it would be Anne Hathaway or Jennifer Lawrence but she looked amazing in her custom made Giorgio Armani gown and Harry Winston diamonds. Not only does she have the same name and hair as Jessica Rabbit but last night she emulated her old Hollywood style and red lips. (I am a sucker for red lips). As Jessica Rabbit is the only cartoon character I think we are actually allowed to fancy and as Chastain pulled this look off so perfectly the award for best dressed woman has to go to her. (Sorry Gloria, there is always next year).

Special commendation though, has to go to Rachel from Friends in her red Valentino ballgown. Really beautiful. Who would think she started off serving coffee in New York?





















MOMENT OF THE NIGHT

WINNER- JENNIFER LAWRENCE IN: "TRIP ON YOUR LININGS PLAYBOOK"

It could have gone to Adele, singing Skyfall or Hathaway winning best supporting actress but no. J-Law, (my new favourite of the J hyphon clan, sorry J-Lo) stole the show. Not only did she look amazing in her Dior (what else?) haute couture ballgown but she provided some comedy too. Personally I think she wanted to beat her 'has the dress split or is it just the design?' moment from the Golden Globes. As mentioned earlier to the right is my favourite photo of the night and it is of Jennifer Lawrence stealing the show when she tripped up going up to collect her award. Jennifer, looking like Cinderella as she struggled up the stairs, however, styled it out and recieved a standing ovation from the audience. I want her to be my best friend. Hooray for Hollywood.

SURPRISE STAR(s) OF THE NIGHT

WINNER- ANNE HATHAWAY IN: LES NIPERABLES

If last year's winner of this award was Angelina Jolie's leg, this year it was Anne Hathaway's nipples. At one point last night on Twitter 'nipples' was trending. I am assuming this is because of Hathaway's nips bid for stardom but I may be wrong. They were probably envious of all her attention and wanted to make their stage debut at somewhere classy. Well congratulations to Anne's nipples. You have won a Rorie this year, next year an Oscar!





AWARD FOR PARTY CRASH OF THE NIGHT

WINNER- MICHELLE OBAMA FOR HER ROLE IN: "I'M STILL ALIVE PEOPLE"

As if the fringe wasn't enough MoBo last night continued her bid to get in every gossip magazine in the world by appearing at the Oscars. We were reminded cruelly, however, that we aren't allowed to think of her like any other celebrity as she appeared via video-link from the frigging WHITE HOUSE. It was as if MoBo wanted to stick two fingers up to all the starlets in the Dolby Theatre and say "you think your Beverly Hills pad is nice? Look at where I live".

So there we have it. The awards have been dished out and now it is time to head off to the parties. One year, I will make it to the Vanity Fair party where I will probably get very drunk, try and steal someone's Oscar and sing I Dreamed A Dream at Anne Hathaway whilst sobbing into a glass of champagne but until then my kitchen will have to do.