"And The Oscar Goes To Anne Hathaway's Nipples"

Unless you have been living in Outer Mongolia for the last few months you will know that last night was the Oscars. One of my favourite award show nights of the year. Who doesn't love seeing the pride of Hollywood in nice clothes stumbling about the place, trying not to make a fool of themselves in front of the world's media. Here are my awards for the last awards show of 2013.


BEST SUPPORTING MALE.


WINNER-BRADLEY COOPER FOR HIS PERFORMANCE IN "HOLD UP MY MOTHER"


This photo is quite possibly the second best one from the Oscars this year, (you will see my favourite shortly). Look at how adoringly Bradley's mum is looking at him. He is nearly twice her height and it does look a little like he has taken his daughter with him at first glance. Bradley could have taken any girl from Hollywood, or even the world to the Oscars, but he took his Mum. Brilliant stuff. Equally brilliant is Gloria's decision to team her gown with a Bjork swan dress style bolero and even better some silver trainers. Practical and shiny. Perfect.



BEST DRESSED WOMAN

WINNER-JESSICA CHASTAIN FOR HER PERFORMANCE IN "ZERO DARK FLIRTY"


Chastian did have some fierce competition tonight from Bradley Cooper's mum Gloria but she just about beat her to the top spot. I didn't think that Jessica would be my best dressed. I thought it would be Anne Hathaway or Jennifer Lawrence but she looked amazing in her custom made Giorgio Armani gown and Harry Winston diamonds. Not only does she have the same name and hair as Jessica Rabbit but last night she emulated her old Hollywood style and red lips. (I am a sucker for red lips). As Jessica Rabbit is the only cartoon character I think we are actually allowed to fancy and as Chastain pulled this look off so perfectly the award for best dressed woman has to go to her. (Sorry Gloria, there is always next year).

Special commendation though, has to go to Rachel from Friends in her red Valentino ballgown. Really beautiful. Who would think she started off serving coffee in New York?





















MOMENT OF THE NIGHT

WINNER- JENNIFER LAWRENCE IN: "TRIP ON YOUR LININGS PLAYBOOK"

It could have gone to Adele, singing Skyfall or Hathaway winning best supporting actress but no. J-Law, (my new favourite of the J hyphon clan, sorry J-Lo) stole the show. Not only did she look amazing in her Dior (what else?) haute couture ballgown but she provided some comedy too. Personally I think she wanted to beat her 'has the dress split or is it just the design?' moment from the Golden Globes. As mentioned earlier to the right is my favourite photo of the night and it is of Jennifer Lawrence stealing the show when she tripped up going up to collect her award. Jennifer, looking like Cinderella as she struggled up the stairs, however, styled it out and recieved a standing ovation from the audience. I want her to be my best friend. Hooray for Hollywood.

SURPRISE STAR(s) OF THE NIGHT

WINNER- ANNE HATHAWAY IN: LES NIPERABLES

If last year's winner of this award was Angelina Jolie's leg, this year it was Anne Hathaway's nipples. At one point last night on Twitter 'nipples' was trending. I am assuming this is because of Hathaway's nips bid for stardom but I may be wrong. They were probably envious of all her attention and wanted to make their stage debut at somewhere classy. Well congratulations to Anne's nipples. You have won a Rorie this year, next year an Oscar!





AWARD FOR PARTY CRASH OF THE NIGHT

WINNER- MICHELLE OBAMA FOR HER ROLE IN: "I'M STILL ALIVE PEOPLE"

As if the fringe wasn't enough MoBo last night continued her bid to get in every gossip magazine in the world by appearing at the Oscars. We were reminded cruelly, however, that we aren't allowed to think of her like any other celebrity as she appeared via video-link from the frigging WHITE HOUSE. It was as if MoBo wanted to stick two fingers up to all the starlets in the Dolby Theatre and say "you think your Beverly Hills pad is nice? Look at where I live".

So there we have it. The awards have been dished out and now it is time to head off to the parties. One year, I will make it to the Vanity Fair party where I will probably get very drunk, try and steal someone's Oscar and sing I Dreamed A Dream at Anne Hathaway whilst sobbing into a glass of champagne but until then my kitchen will have to do.