Why Kim Wilde Should Rule The World

I think I will never tire of watching that video of Kim Wilde completely drunk, rolling around a train with a guitarist and singing her hits to a bemused and probably equally drunk Christmas party train home. It was upon watching this again that I realised. This is who should be singing our song this year at Eurovision. In fact she shouldn't just represent us there, she should be an ambassador for Britain across the world. What says 'Best Of British' more than Kim Wilde, slurring her way through her songs, in a pair of reindeer antlers and jumping around in a train carriage? That has Eurovision written all over it. It has G20 Summit written all over it, it has Olympic Opening Ceremony written all over
it (albeit a year late).
So here is my proposal: let's all club together, buy Kim Wilde and get her to sing at everything. It's a simple idea but I believe it would make the world a better place.
You know it's a good idea. Donate 50p to the Kim Wilde for British Ambassador Fund and you can make the world a better place. (We may need more money to get her drunk before every performance).

Thank you for your time.

Bonnie Tyler. I Need A Zero.

When I opened my laptop this morning and was greeted with the words "Bonnie Tyler to represent UK at Eurovision Song Contest" my heart jumped. For the first time I had high hopes as I clicked on the YouTube link. Total Eclipse of the Heart and Holding Out for a Hero played on my mind, finally an 80s pop star who could deliver a big up-tempo song and beat Estonia and all the other Eastern block countries into submission. This is what Eurovision had been waiting for, I thought. A singer who sounds like they are one coughing fit away from a total eclipse of the heart. Someone with hair so big the wind machines will fail to move it. You can imagine my disappointment then when I started listening to the song. It's a ballad. And not only a ballad but the slowest one I have ever heard. Couple that with the video of Bonnie looking like she is desperate for the loo in a completely white lounge and then on the beach and it makes for a sorry state. 

Is there still time to add some synth drums? A few explosion sound effects. I did like that she was doing her bit for physical music sales and HMV by wearing a CD around her neck for half of the video though. 

Of course this morning's announcement prompted a Twitter storm. With Bonnie's hits providing puns galore such as "I Need A Zero" and 'Picking Bonnie Tyler for Eurovision was a mistake. Every now and then she falls apart". 

Surprisingly the video on You Tube has surprisingly good comments from all of the die hard Eurovision supporters from countries like Greece and the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia (me neither). But we won't win. We're the United Kingdom. If we won there would be national outcry. We love losing at Eurovision, it gives us something to complain about, and lets face it we don't have the run up to the Olympics or the Jubilee to moan about so we need something.
All that said I still love you Bonnie, you and your massive hair. 

The Lady's A Tramp

Good morning! I have decided to share another one of those videos where I sing at you for around 3 minutes. So here it is! I'm doing my best Frank Sinatra at a benefit concert in Sleaford, Lincolnshire.

We Found Love In Trafalgar Square

Hello all.

This week we saw the end of an incredible summer for Great Britain. Me and a few friends decided that we wanted to see the summer out in style so we went to Trafalgar Square to watch the Paralympic closing ceremony on a big screen. The atmosphere was absolutely incredible with Boris Johnson, our soon to be Prime Minister I am sure, getting the loudest cheer. Everyone was singing and dancing along as if they were in the stadium and we could even see the fireworks from the river. It really was an amazing evening.

I was very pleased to see Rihanna and Coldplay perform I song I absolutely love and have sung myself, We Found Love. My friend Nicolas and I perform a bit together and We Found Love is one of our set-pieces. Below is a video of Nicolas and I, with his brother Kit performing We Found Love at my last ever school concert. Watch out for my amazing cymbal bashing!