Bonnie Tyler. I Need A Zero.

When I opened my laptop this morning and was greeted with the words "Bonnie Tyler to represent UK at Eurovision Song Contest" my heart jumped. For the first time I had high hopes as I clicked on the YouTube link. Total Eclipse of the Heart and Holding Out for a Hero played on my mind, finally an 80s pop star who could deliver a big up-tempo song and beat Estonia and all the other Eastern block countries into submission. This is what Eurovision had been waiting for, I thought. A singer who sounds like they are one coughing fit away from a total eclipse of the heart. Someone with hair so big the wind machines will fail to move it. You can imagine my disappointment then when I started listening to the song. It's a ballad. And not only a ballad but the slowest one I have ever heard. Couple that with the video of Bonnie looking like she is desperate for the loo in a completely white lounge and then on the beach and it makes for a sorry state. 

Is there still time to add some synth drums? A few explosion sound effects. I did like that she was doing her bit for physical music sales and HMV by wearing a CD around her neck for half of the video though. 

Of course this morning's announcement prompted a Twitter storm. With Bonnie's hits providing puns galore such as "I Need A Zero" and 'Picking Bonnie Tyler for Eurovision was a mistake. Every now and then she falls apart". 

Surprisingly the video on You Tube has surprisingly good comments from all of the die hard Eurovision supporters from countries like Greece and the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia (me neither). But we won't win. We're the United Kingdom. If we won there would be national outcry. We love losing at Eurovision, it gives us something to complain about, and lets face it we don't have the run up to the Olympics or the Jubilee to moan about so we need something.
All that said I still love you Bonnie, you and your massive hair.