A Royal Address, From Prince Rorie.

If you read this blog (and I live in hope that there is at least one person out there does, even if it is in pity) then I am very sorry. This post is essentially an advance apology. As of today it is only 39 days until the Queen's Diamond Jubilee. 39 days that are going to be full of everything you would ever want to know about the royals and bits that you probably didn't. Yesterday I kicked off my Jubilee countdown on my hospital radio show with my friend Lucy. It was 2 hours of Royal fun where I got to gush about Wills and Kate to an essentially, and I hesitate to write this 'captive audience'. And you, dear reader, are the latest victims of my gushing. I cannot get enough of the Royals. I found myself, yesterday heading to Tesco to buy my first ever copy of 'Hello' magazine as it was a 'William And Kate: One Year On' special edition. I think 'obsessed' would be playing down the feeling in my house. I also cannot lie to you, the £2 I spent on that magazine was the greatest £2 I have ever spent. I have probably spent more time pondering over how Kate manages to still look hot in a ski-suit and if William's bald patch got any bigger we could harness enough solar power to solve global warming than I should have. Especially when A-Levels are looming. But I don't care. The phrase 'Once in a lifetime' gets banded around a lot, especially with the Olympics coming to London this year but in this case it is true. Most of us will probably never see another Diamond Jubilee. So amongst this next 39 days of tacky mugs, magazines, union jacks, crowns, tiaras and Queens bear in mind (if you are getting sick of it) that Queen Elizabeth II is only the second ever British Monarch to reach an incredible 60 years on the throne and if that isn't enough to guide you through the maze of red, white and blue, it is only 41 days until it is all over....

Olympic Opening Ceremony Idea No.32

Right, scrap Danny Boyle. Scrap the urban soundtrack influenced by the East-End of London. Do you know what? Even scrap the Queen, and coming from me they are serious words. After watching Britain's Got Talent on Saturday night our worries about beating the Chinese opening ceremony of four years ago simply melted away. Who needs 8000 perfectly synchronised drummers when you can have Mr Zip, or as he is known in our house and I am willing to bet in thousands of other homes up and down the country, the 'Where Ma Keys?' man. So to cut to the actual idea. 'Where ma keys?' man runs into the stadium in the first minute of the ceremony and lights a giant mobile phone shaped Olympic cauldron. Brilliant, this has already been the Olympic opening ceremony to end all ceremonies. But that isn't all, oh no. To put the cherry on top of the Olympic sized cake or possibly even the key on top of the mobile phone, cue 1000 dancers dressed as...yes, you guessed it keys and phones. Then Rick Astley emerges from the floor of the Olympic Stadium, gyrating on a giant revolving record as a mash-up of 'Never gonna give you up/ (you guessed it) where ma keys'. This continues for the final 3 hours of the ceremony. So there we have it. A winning formula. We get to Rick-Roll 2 billion people whilst showing them that Britain, really does have talent. (Before they turn over to The Voice).