Getting Gomez-merised.

Now, for some of you, my little brother included, I believe that if I said the word 'Gomez' to you you would instantly think of a football player. If you have read this blog at all or probably gathered anything from the first sentence of this post my first thought upon hearing the word 'Gomez' is to reply 'Selena'. 
Selena is one of the seemingly endless Disney Channel princesses of which Miley Cyrus is the High-Queen. Each one follows the same format. Begin on a Disney Channel Children's TV show titled something like 'Aww Chucks, My Brother's An Alien', then try and break free of the Disney mould, go out with a bad-boy popstar and then release a single that is ridiculously catchy. Now as someone who has spent the last year listening to Ernie.K.Doe and weird house music mixes of Sister Sledge, Gomez has dropped of the radar a bit for me, until I came home. My local radio station absolutely love her. Every time I get in the car they are blaring out her latest single, 'Come And Get It'. (There is the provocative, 'let's break the Disney mould', title I was looking for). The first time I heard it, about 3 weeks ago, I turned straight over. By the 12th time Lincs FM decided to play it whilst I was in the car it had grown ridiculously on me. As someone who appreciates when a song is brilliant within it's genre 'Come And Get It' is, in my opinion, one of the best pop songs released this year. It's got so many good bits. A ridiculously catchy chorus, a ballad-esque bridge that you can scream along to in your car, Indian sounding bits reminding you of the other 'I shouldn't love it but I do' pop song of the last decade, Jai-Ho and a brilliant sing along bit that we can all understand the 'eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh' bit of the chorus. 
I know I shouldn't love it, but I do. Selena, you may have gone out with Bieber but I can forgive you if every pop song you write is as good as this/provides a vowel sound chorus to sing along with. 

Why I Want To Be Kris Jenner/A Kardashian

In today's blog-post I am going to tell you why I want to be Kris Jenner, or in fact any part of the Kardashian/Jenner clan, (apart from Bruce, anyone who watches Keeping Up With The Kardashians will understand what I mean.)
I am just going to say it. Kris Jenner is the greatest woman on earth, (bar my Mother of course who, incidentally, reminds me a lot of Kris Jenner's good bits.) To be frank, why wouldn't you want to be Kris Jenner? She lives in a huge house that is completely black and white so it is great if you have dogs as they only see in monochrome. She drinks wine all day, in fact I am considering getting one of my arms chopped off and having a wine glass put there a la an even camper Captain Hook, in her honour. She has about 5 billion daughters that make her about 50 billion pounds a day so she can spend lots of money on huge cars that look like converted tanks painted black and massive weddings for her favourite children (and Rob....)
Kris provides the best moments in Keeping Up With The Kardashians. It seems like she is the butt of every single joke, even down to the time that her lips swelled up in BORA BORA! (you have to shout the place-name like you are a Kardashian on the show), and we all laughed because it looked like she had got dodgy botox done in the room over the off-licence I used to live opposite in South London.
Kris Jenner is basically the Kardashian sister that never was. She lives her life through her three famous daughters, craving attention, constantly holding a massive wine glass full of white wine, driving around in that huge black car and wearing earrings that Pat Butcher would be envious of. But who cares? She is fucking Kris Jenner she can do what she likes.

ROYAL BABY DAY: CALL IT LEGOLAND WINDSOR.

Can we please talk about how good today has been? We've had Kay Burley jumping around outside the Lindo Wing shouting about how AMAZING a rather squashed and melted cake is, that BBC reporter talking about how bored he was, and the Town Crier who I don't think was actually meant to be there. Oh yes, and a Royal baby.
Now the fun begins. What will it be called? I for one fall quite heavily on the side of 'Legoland Windsor-Cambridge' but I'm not sure they could do that because of copyright. For me the day has been beautifully summed up by Prince William himself by simply releasing a statement that says 'We could not be happier'. To conclude this Royal Baby Day I dedicate this song to our future King, Baby Cambridge:

Today At Wimbledon: Day 5-Day 11. Just Make Sue Barker Queen And Be Done.

There was a point last week when Sue Barker really was Queen. She was on both BBC 1 and BBC 2 simultaneously. Question of Sport was shown on BBC 2 whilst dear old Sue did her round up of the courts on BBC 1. I for one would fully support her being granted the top-job of Queen when Lizzy pops her clogs. Why not? Someone who can get away with an electric blue pocket square is royalty already in my eyes.
The past few days at Wimbledon haven't been quite as shocking as the first when we saw Federer and Nadal knocked out but we have still had a few surprises. Serena Williams was knocked out and we saw Laura Robson go the furthest any woman has at the All England Club for 13 years. Today is one of my favourite days of the Championships as I get to make the age-old annual 'WImbledon Men's Semi' joke. Such fun. Up today we have Djokovic taking on Del Potro and then the titan Murray versus Janowicz. Can Murray make it into the final for the second year running. Here's hoping. I'll see you later after a few glasses of Pimms and hopefully with a Brit in the final. At least it will give us an excuse to use up all the Jubilee/Olympic stuff we have left over.

Today at Wimbledon: Day 4. I HEART THE CENTRE COURT ROOF AND WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW IT.

Today the roof was used for the first time-hurrah! Unlike most who watch Wimbledon I relish the chance that the roof may come on. Even though it has only been there a few years 'the Roof' to give it it's proper, Sue Barker approved name has already become a peculiar tradition. 

Now, I'm going to jump around a bit here but fluidity has never been my strong point. Do you remember when those pandas arrived from China into Edinburgh and they broadcast the whole thing live on TV as if it was the Moon Landings or a Royal Wedding? They had that BBC News reporter asking all the important questions such as 'do the Pandas understand English?' as we waited for what seemed like an age for the Pandas to get their luggage together, dig around the back of the seat to find their phone and pick up 200 Marlboros in duty free. Well, the 30 minutes or so it takes for them to close the roof at Wimbledon is a bit like that. We get the peculiar sound of John McEnroe trying to commentate on what is, essentially a giant gazebo going up over a rainy bank holiday barbecue. The crowd 'ooohs' and 'ahhhs' at the sight as if it were the pandas themselves parachuting into Centre Court. After the roof is actually shut we then get around 20 minutes during which time someone flicks on the air con switch and we all wait around for some magic to happen so the tennis players feel like they are still playing outside. This is when the BBC cameramen and women on Centre Court have a field day, and personally this is probably my favourite part of Wimbledon. They zoom in on every canoodling couple, children eating scotch eggs, people looking bored and flicking through their Twitter feed. They do a quick round up of who's who in the Royal Box whilst McEnroe or that one of GMTV (may she rest in peace) tries to out-do each other in the 'who reads 'Hello!' the most' stakes. Ace to you BBC, for providing me with a people watching service without having to leave the house. BBC, I implore you to add 'BBC Centre Court Roof' to your extensive red button Wimbledon channels. This will give me something else to get addicted to, like when I spent nearly 5 hours straight watching the 'Chimney Cam' when the new Pope was elected. PLEASE BBC? 

Today at Wimbledon: Day 3 "WimbledonTF?"

I know my day 3 update is horrifically late and for that I am sorry. It wasn't posted on actual day 3 due to events of a tonic and indeed gin nature. So anyway. Better late than never. Here is Today at Wimbledon: Day 3.

Day 3 was an absolute corker for someone who loves a bit of drama. It seemed that more players dropped out on Tuesday Wednesday than were actually in the initial draw. Azarenka, Cilic, Isner, that bloke that knocked Nadal out. There has been no let up in the injuries. Outside of dropouts we also had two major casulaties. Sharapova was knocked out, ending her Wimbledon dreams on the third day. So too was Federer, unbelievably. That means that even before the second week only two of the big 4 remain. Novak Djokovic and Andy Murray. All this of course means that the pressure on Murray is now even heavier. I think the most used phrase by Sue Barker on Wednesday was 'I don't want to increase speculation BUT could Andy do it now?' To be honest I hope that things get a little tougher for Andy. I don't want his getting to the final to be put down to an easy draw. That's if he even gets there. Given the shocks over the past few days nothing should come as a surprise. God this is stressful, I need a gin, sorry day 4.

Today at Wimbledon: Day 2. Wimbo-Chic

Today I would like to talk to you about what people wear to Wimbledon. There are definitely two distinct styles. On one side we have those who have probably been given the tickets from work, freebies from the All England Club or go because they love to tell everyone they know that they have 'Centre tickets dahhhling' before rushing off in their Land Rover to pick up Tarquin and Jemima from school. These are the Wimbledon-ers who wear pashminas and blazers, straw hats with purple and green on and pearls. On the other side of the fashion net we have the die-hards, the tennis fans and the Henman-hillers. This group consists of a bunch of red, white and blue-wearing, union jack clutching, deely bopper-wearing nutters and they are what makes Wimbledon amazing. It's this group who the average Wimbledon watcher at home can identify with. We love the people who have gone to the effort of painting their faces, writing 'GO MURRAY!' on their best white shirt and  get jolly pissed on Pimms. These are the people who queue for days to get a coveted ticket for Centre Court to shout 'COME ON TIM' at Andy Murray.

In other news and as an addition to yesterday's 'Today at Wimbledon' feature 'The World's Greatest Name' I would like to introduce you to Kaia Kanepi. A name that makes her sound like a mini smoked salmon bagel served with a glass of bubbly. Amazing. Stay tuned for more tennis player's amazing names.