Happy Birthday Percy Pig (and the humbling of teenage boys)

If you haven't been in to a branch of Marks and Spencer in the past few weeks then I envy you. It is the annual pilgrimage that you have to make as a schoolchild and then, for me this year, as the brother of a schoolchild. It seems that Mother's, (probably quite rightly), insist on taking you there to kit you out for the new school year as their 'shirts wash better and trousers iron easier'. This was the first time I visited M&S in late August and wasn't being shoved in to itchy white shirts or horrible black trousers. It gave me a refreshing look at this end of summer pastime. Marks and Spencer in late August and early September is a humbling experience for teenage boys. Away from the safety of home they have to obey their Mothers whilst trying hard to impress the girl who is looking at the blue blouses on the next rail. They are then frogmarched to the changing rooms where various garments are tried on and paraded around in, in front of a sofa full of mothers who are probably debating how long it will be before they have to sew up a hole in them. For a 15 year old boy a pretty annoying experience. I overheard one boy say to his mother 'I can't wait to be a student so I can wear what I want.' My advice to him is: Your schooldays are the best days of your life, your parents pay for your clothes.

In other news, my visit to Marks and Spencer revealed to me that the nation's sweetheart, Percy Pig, is turning 21. Ridiculously overpriced but still the saviour of long journeys and work days, Percy is finally becoming a proper adult. Whilst waiting in the queue to pay for my bottle of Pink Grapefruit lemonade and bag of pigs I wondered about how Percy would spend his birthday? Would he go crazy and get completely off his face on MDMA? He is, after all, a national celebrity. As the M&S website states dear old P is 'A hit with the fashion world, musicians and sports stars'. So maybe good old Perc likes to live the rock and roll lifestyle and will eventually become Britain's answer to Lindsay Lohan? They do also, however, point out that Percy contains 'no artificial colours or flavourings', so maybe he checked himself in to a Vegan spa for a few days and drank pig feed, skinny smoothies? Whilst browsing the M&S website I scrolled through the whole Percy Pig section. (Yes, there is a whole 'Happy Birthday Percy', bit'). You can now buy almost anything with Percy's face on. Bags, tins, money boxes and even hampers. Poor Percy, plaster his face on stuff to sell before eating it, and I bet he gets no royalties from Marks and Sparks.

'My Best Friend Loves Herself, She's Just Being Miley'

Yet another Miley Cyrus post for you to read. At least this one has a message. 

I have read a lot about Miley Cyrus this week. My favourite article coming from, (unbelievably), the Daily Mail. They had had the genius idea of interviewing the inventor of the foam finger. I didn't even realise that one single person had 'invented' the thing I used to hit my brother with when I got back from 'Steps' concerts but, anyway, I am proven wrong on many occasions so I will just add this one to the list. As I have just stated, for me, the foam finger has never and will never be used for it's correct purpose. I always hit my little brother, or anyone who was in my vicinity, with mine. Someone I was with at Notting Hill Carnival last weekend bought one and then poked me in the face with it all evening. I therefore find it hilarious that the inventor, (still not over that thought), of the foam finger was so offended. Here is what Steve Chmelar had to say about Miley's turn at the VMAs:

'She took an honorable icon that is seen in sporting venues everywhere and degraded it. 

'Fortunately, the foam finger has been around long enough that it will survive this incident.' 

Well I, for one am pleased to hear that Steve is confident in the foam finger's enduring appeal but I think he should embrace it. Think how much money he could make by making some specifically 'sexy' foam fingers. You know, ones with rings and things on like the woman who had rings on her fingers and bells on her toes. I wonder, actually, if Steve Chmelar, (great surname), actually made any money from the foam finger? Did he patent it? Is this actually sour grapes from Steve that he isn't making any money from Miley's kinky finger? Listen up Steve, (here comes the message), start selling some foam fingers to sex shops. If the 'Twerking' craze is anything to go by, Miley's a trendsetter.  

POP EMERGENCY CODE RED GAGA'S BACK

So Lady Gaga has finally gave us something. A little morsel, right in the middle of Summer holiday season. Admittedly this is rather annoying when you are sat in a roller disco in the middle of Cork City, just to use their WiFi, desperately trying to hear Applause over the horrific Donna Summer remix that is blasting out of the speakers because you left your headphones at home. (Thank you Supernova in Cork, your free WiFi was much appreciated). Since getting back from holiday the 'POP EMERGENCY' has exploded in to a fully blown 'POP EMERGENCY, CODE RED'. Last Sunday Gaga premiered 8 new songs in a live show in front of fans and critics and thousands watching on TV. Risky, but this is Gaga, she is both risky and risque. So, on wards to the music:

As a first single from a new album goes, Applause ticked all the right boxes. For me it is essentially Gaga talking directly to her fans and critics in one song.

"I stand here waiting for you to bang the gong

To crash the critic saying, 'Is it right or is it wrong?'

If only fame had an I.V., baby could I bear

Being away from you, I found the vein, put it in here"

The first verse sets out the agenda for the song. Gaga has evidently been desperate to get back to performing and being in front of her friends but has been afraid at what the gap between her releases has done to her critical acclaim. She has every right to be afraid of the critics, just before she was forced to cancel her world tour due to a broken hip I read 5 or 6 particularly scathing articles addressing her weight and live performances. She could be forgiven, therefore for not premiering her new material in such an exposed way. In 'Applause' we also see an awareness on her behalf of her growing status as an art icon as well as being, possibly, THE icon within turn of the century music. Gaga talks about becoming a work of art and she addresses the growing feeling of pop as an art form.

"One second I'm a Koons, then suddenly the Koons is me 

Pop culture was an art, now art's a pop culture in me"

For me my favourite song from the 8 Gaga debuted at the Roundhouse last Sunday night was Aura. It reminded me a lot of Bad Romance, undoubtedly the best Gaga single to date. The song is almost anthemic with a brilliant 'sing along-able' chorus. What this song actually means is for a later debate I feel. Whether it is Gaga referring to her costumes and clothes as a cover-up in the same way a Burqa is used or something else I am not sure, but what I am sure about is that it is an incredible pop song and I am pleased to see that the 'rara' of the Bad Romance era has not been dropped by Gaga completely.