Now, I appreciate that as soon as you read the sentence you are (hopefully) about to read you may just stop reading altogether but bear with it. Watch last Saturday's X Factor. There I said it. Television snobs turn your noses up at me all you like but the latest episode of my staple Autumn/Winter programme was a classic. I love X Factor and am not ashamed to say it. I may not buy into the 'reality' of it all and can sense some truth in the fixing rumours surrounding the show but I know one thing for sure: the programme is hilarious. I was actually out last Saturday night with a friend but managed to catch one of the 50 repeats ITV manages to splatter gun their weekly schedule with when we got in. My friend, Lucy, hates X Factor but being the amazing friend she is agreed to sit down with me, cups of tea and lemon curd sandwiches to feast on the brashness of X Factor. Within 5 minutes she was laughing along with me as contestant after contestant got their 'dreams shattered' by the judges. The best part of the whole show, however, didn't come until halfway through when the one and only Mel B appeared as the first guest judge of the series. Every word that woman uttered was pure gold. For the rest of the episode normal order was forgotten. The television was ignored until Scary Spice spoke, her words flowing over Lucy and I and turning us in to 'Melanators'. For hours after I only spoke like Mel B. We imagined that she only spoke in the third person. "Melanie B never says yes, people only say yes to Melanie B" we shouted in our best Leeds accents. Her honesty on X Factor and unwillingness to say yes to mediocre acts just because they had 'something about them' showed what X Factor has been lacking for the past couple of years. We need Mel B to bring back the glory days of Sharon, Cheryl, Louis and nasty Simon. I want the days back when a national scandal would be made out of Sharon throwing water over Simon! So X Factor's school report thus far reads: 'Must try harder'
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